Playing With Your Kids Fosters Character Traits and Builds Family Bonds

The Fall 2014 edition of BYU Magazine features an article about families that play together. (You can read the full article HERE.) My 2 favorite professors at BYU (Dr. Laura Padilla-Walker and Dr. Larry Nelson) are featured in this article, and discuss how participating in meaningful and challenging recreation helps kids build character traits such as persistence, confidence and resilience. Recreational activities such as hiking, rafting, and camping teach kids that they can continue towards a goal, not to give up, and to make decisions for themselves (as well as the consequences of those decisions). Of course, the activities alone do not foster these traits -- parental guidance and encouragement are what really seal the deal. 

Not only does participating in family activities help build the above mentioned traits (among others), it also creates an environment for the family to strengthen familial bonds. The time spent together is priceless, as are the experiences and memories you create.

Kyle and I have talked about this, and also believe that one of the keys to helping make sure that activities such as these are positive and strengthening for families is by starting them young. Abe is only 8 months old, but has already participated in camping trips and hikes. We want our kids to expect and look forward to these events, and not all of a sudden throw them into a week long camping trip without any previous experience. It's just simply something that we do together as a family. As a bonus -- most outdoor recreational activities force you to "unplug" from your electronics and really pay attention to your family and the beautiful world we live in.

Of course, you do not need to go camping, rafting, etc in order to foster character traits and build those family bonds. Something as simple as playing a board game together, doing a puzzle together, or participating in any other activity works, too. The main idea is to have frequent family interactions, to normalize time spent together as a family, and for parents to create experiences and activities that will foster the building of character traits and strengthen family bonds. Spending time together needs to be a priority, and expected. By establishing family "play time" you are helping to create a stable and loving household and family, which will then positively spill over into all other aspects of your life and the people you interact with -- and that's what this world needs -- priority placed on the family and positivity. 

Would You Really Be Happier if You Made More Money?

There is a lot of debate about the correlation between money and happiness. The first question that needs to be answered is what is happiness? How do you operationalize happiness? Personally, I don't think you can but it is still an interesting topic to consider.

Some research defines happiness as experiencing positive emotions. This research indicates that Paraguay is the happiest country in the world. link  Having lived there for two years, my anecdotal evidence would agree that Paraguayans are a lot happier than those of us living in the U.S. Latin countries typically score higher according to this definition of happiness and I believe it is because they live close to their extended families and spend a lot of time with friends.  

Other research on happiness defines it as "well being" or "satisfaction". These studies typically show that happiness increases with income and also "the happiness value of the next dollar you earn is always worth less than the one you earned before it. link"  Or in other words when you are poor an extra dollar means a lot more than when you are rich. An oft cited study states that above $75,000 a year in the U.S. that more money doesn't bring more happiness. I tend to agree that once your basic needs and a few wants are met that more money isn't going to make you happier.

Even a proponent for the "money makes happiness" ideology wrote "Couples who say money is not important to them score about 10% to 15% better on measures of “relationship quality,” meaning they fight less and have more stable relationships, according to a 2011 study of 1,700 married couples by Brigham Young University and published in the “Journal of Couple & Relationships Therapy.” link

So I guess the questions you have to ask yourself are what does happiness mean to you and what do you really need?

Personally I'd love to find out what it's like to live on $75,000 a year (actually I'd really like find out what it's like to live on my current income without paying student loans), but I learned a long time ago "I'll be happy when...." only leads to not being happy in the present. It's great to have goals and some extra money might make life a little less stressful, but please try to find joy in the journey.

Here is a video of my cute kid laughing to help.

Now that makes me happy!

PS. This financial planner probably summed it up a lot better than I did, The Odd Relationship Between Money and Happiness

Why You Should Eat Meals as a Family

There are a multitude of studies out there on parent child interaction. In Parenting with Love and Limits (the family therapy program I facilitate) we tell the families that the average father spends 4 minutes a day interacting with his child and the average mother 7 minutes a day. I've seen quite a few different numbers in various studies but I've never seen an average of above 15 minutes of interaction a day. Parents spend very little time actually interacting with their child without TV or some other distraction!

Image courtesy of akarakingdoms at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In the reading that I have done about healthy families one of the biggest common factors is eating meals together. Eating meals as a family is linked to lower rates of substance abuse, depression, and teen pregnancy; as well as higher grades and self esteem. Research also shows, not surprisingly, that kids who eat meals with parents are healthier and have lower rates of obesity. Not to mention parents save a lot of money by not eating out as often.

So turn off your TV and put away your cell phone and make it a goal to sit down and eat with your kids. Is 15 minutes a day too much to ask? You'll be doing better than most if you just eat one meal a day together, imagine if you ate all three!

Here are a few links to read more:

Do Family Meals Really Make a Difference?

Family Meals spell S-U-C-C-E-S-S

8 Reasons to Make Time for Family Dinner

The Importance of Eating Together - Includes a lot of ideas on how to create better meal times.